I sit on the floor in the shower

captainmari @ 2004-07-07T11:42:00

2004-07-07T18:42:35Z

i have a new livejournal.

Imafunkyassjew

add me if you want to be a frrrrrrrrrrriend.

ive never actually gotten the urge to stab someone before

2004-06-30T23:42:11Z

i bought a book today...

i believe it is called:

the amazing adventures of kavalier and clay

this guy that i used to be majorly in love with last summer reccomended it to me, so when daniel, aurora, and i were out and about i decided to purchase it.

jollygood.

captainmari @ 2004-06-19T12:38:00

2004-06-19T19:39:22Z

graduation party

tomorrow

340 s walnut st.

5-10 pm

chips and dip my friends, chips and dip

captainmari @ 2004-06-10T15:18:00

2004-06-10T22:18:40Z

high school and i have officially broken up

woot

daniel and i are addicted to talking in made up accents

2004-06-08T22:05:56Z

i am bored

stolen from the fabulous fab

3rd grade:// george shiber
4th grade:// brandon Pike
5th grade:// brandon Pike
6th grade:// zach safi
7th grade:// zach kemper
8th grade:// clinton clark
9th grade:// jesse sears
10th grade:// jesse, tyler, jesse
11th grade:// rusty, julian, thom
12th grade:// DANIEL SANCHEZ

|| OTHER STUFF ABOUT U* ||

do you have a job:// yes i am rocking the manager socks soon at numero uno
what are you scared of:// being alone and having 32 cats and wearing ugly clothes, all at once of course
who's your role model:// um. isaac brock, jonathon safran foer. bri.
most interesting thing you've done this summer:// um, well, i'll say this year the most interesting thing ive done is fallen in love ::cheesy::
what stores do you shop at the most:// seriously? the supermarket.
have you ever done any drugs:// i smoked pot once
do you collect anything:// letters and cool shoes. memories
are you a ditz:// no.

|| FAVORITES* ||

thing in your room:// um, at my grandparetns house prolly the pic of my mom.
movies of all time:// rushmore, the commitments, dancer in the dark
hangout:// daniels house
where do you see yourself in 10 years:// married with a doctorate and writing a book
if you could live anywhere:// england
dream house:// a big pseudo log cabin with a moat around it toward the top of washington so i can go get gas for 78 cents a gallon
what age do you want to get married:// um. id like to get married early, but with college and stuff we prolly wont marry until like 26/27
how many kids do you want:// 1 or 3
girl's names:// wendy penelope
boy's names:// conor elliott and beck miles

|| HAVE U EVER* ||

been in love?:// yes
lied?:// yes
cheated on a test?:// yes
cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend?:// yep
tied your shoes together?:// nope
eaten something with a lot of fat?:// umm yes
had sex?:// yes

|| FEELINGS INSIDE* ||

worst feeling in the world:// um. being unloved
best feeling in the world:// being in love
can you define love?:// no. you either feel it or you dont
do you get along with your parents?://no. one is dead and one is in oregon
are you ticklish?:// yes

|| OPPOSITE SEX* ||

1st thing you notice about the opposite sex:// style, hair, smile. if they're quiet or loud, smart or stupid
perfect "dream" date://ritz carlton picnic at night
who is your best friend of the opposite sex?:// daniel
what do you look for in the opposite sex:// someone who is open and can listen well and make me laugh.
what does the opposite sex not know about you:// i dont fucking know

|| NIGHTY NITE* ||

what do you wear to bed:// nothing
what's your bed time:// um 12 or not at all
do you wish on stars:// yes
is there a TV in your room:// um, in my room at daniel's house, yes. at my g-rents house no.
what's the last thing you do before you fall asleep:// think about how i get to see daniel the next day. yeeuh
how many schools have you been to// 4
are you passive or aggressive:// both
what is your curfew:// i dont have one really. but im with dnaiel all the time, and i dont know how to explain it. it never feels like a curfew cause when we get home we still hang out

|| FRIENDS* ||

person you can trust the most:// daniel
what is the best quality of a friend:// trust and compassion
the most fun with:// daniel, alex, tony, chris, mike
name your friends:// fuck you, if you're my friend you know who you are.

|| RANDOM* ||

if you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?:// i would be less fat or less insecure
have you ever tried to kill yourself:// yes
do you know anyone who SERIOUSLY wanted to kill themselvelves?:// yes

who do you really hate?:// j lo. ick
what are you addicted to?:// burritos
do you like jewelry?:// no, except this fat diamond ring i got
do you wear a watch?:// yes! cinnamon toast crunch watch
did/Do you have braces?:// for 8 years
do you believe in God?:// im not sure anymore
do you believe in love at first sight?:// no

captainmari @ 2004-06-02T09:39:00

2004-06-02T16:40:08Z

Thank gods everyone is back....

daniel, alex, and tony

(and david)

captainmari @ 2004-05-30T11:54:00

2004-05-30T19:14:29Z

i am officially going crazy.

im an only child, so i used to be very all about having alone time, to just relax and be by myself. but now i find that i am going crazy without having anyone around. couldnt go to sleep last nite for fear of rapists and killers.

yesterday i woke up with daniel calling at 8:30. kelly and i then prepared ourselves for breakfast with tom, nate, and aashiq. after driving around for a bit we ended up at coco's with a shitty waitress (oh how we should have gotten the lumberjack lady). it wasnt awkward like you'd think. hopefully we'll all be friends.

then bobby took michael, kelly, and i to see saved. it was okay. it had a lot of stereotypes in it, and a very general message, but it was entertaining and made me laugh.

bobby dropped us off at kellys and i pseudo helped her get ready. afterwards michael and i went with emily, thalia and some guy to see willy wonka in the part. emily martha stewarted it up. we had a picninc blankets (that is sooooo blanket) (the only people that will get that are gabriel and daniel. ja) i fell asleep for about 20 minutes, seeing as i got no sleep the night before.

i came home and stayed online forever. no rapists are gonna attack me!

my new goal: stop saying "like"

captainmari @ 2004-05-29T22:40:00

2004-05-30T05:50:23Z

i love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love LOVE the boys in my life.

captainmari @ 2004-05-29T10:33:00

2004-05-29T17:49:45Z

last night was the fucking most amazing night EVER.

firstly i saw mitch. I LOVE MITCH. mitch will father at least 2 of my children. by artificial insemination (i dont cheat mu fu huh).

the entire night was amazing. you know how when you go to a show, and the opening bands are on and you're thinking, "COME ON. SHUT UP. i just wanna see *insert headliner here*" but i was thuroughly entertained by everyone. i wasnt thinking, "man i wish cursive was on." saul williams. oh man, ive got jungle fever. so intelligent, so witty. it made me think a lot about how i use my life and my energy. i should be more positive and try to help people more and not be so concerned with me.

the cursive went on. OH MAN. firstly, they played TWO sets. they played a lot of stuff off early albums, and two off of ugly organ and one off of domestica and a new jam "alchemist shit" (which was dancy and amazing).

then after 10 minutes of pure pandamonium, the black security gaurds just encouraging us more cause they love cursive too, cursive came on and played for ANOTHER HOUR. i kept shouting "martyr!!!!!!!!!!" and he played it and he just went around and took requests from people. it was tizzy. definitely the best show ive been to all year.

afterwards bobby wasnt there to pick us up (THANK YOU SO MUCH BOBBBBBBBBY. much love) mike, emily and i walked around west hollywood and looked at all the gay people and got sun glasses for five dollars. when we came back to the troubadour a security gaurd gave me a drumstick from the cursive set, and TIM KASHER WAS RIGHT NEXT TO US. i mean, ive talked to him before, but i was just in awe cause the entire night he was so funny and so strangely attractive. like a mountain man. mmmm. he was talking on his cell phone with a bunch of his friends so i didnt talk to him, but one of the girls he was with started talking to me.

finally bobby picked us up. we went to del taco and this black guy started rubbing up on me and was like, "would it be weird if i started talking to you?". "uh no" "well itd be weird for me, cause i dont know you." "oh, well, thats your thing then" we then left.

i get home and kelly is here. she's been at daniel's house since 9:00 and it's 2 in the morning. she's on speed and has been sitting on a couch in the DARK. FOR FIVE HOURS. speedy gonzkelly.

we fell asleep on daniel's bed at 3 and daniel called from a boat in canada at 8:30 and i MISS HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING

i still <3 gabriel

captainmari @ 2004-05-27T15:17:00

2004-05-27T22:28:42Z

daniel's whole family is gone.

i couldve settled for hanging out with his sister, but noooo she's gone to canada too.

yesterday i was cleaning my room and found donovan's phone number. (i stole his virginity one weekend while i was visiting erin and chris at santa cruz and i hadnt talked to him since. ah. one night stands) i called him, and it was odd. we didnt talk for too long, 7 minutes i think, but it was nice to recconect with him. he was nice enough, very nice actually. see, i called him and he didnt pick up so i left a message, but he called me back and we talked about music and how he's graduating from college in a month and how he's gonna be a teacher.

its so weird not having daniel around, considering we're attached at the hip. its rare that i go 12 hours without seeing him. i dont know. im a barnacle.

im not ditching tomorrow for senior ditch day. ive got to spend the night here with daniel's little brother and walk him to school tomorrow, and the only way my grandma would let is if i went to school as well. ive got to show her im responisble.

i made this little collage on my window of pictures ive taken. when did i turn into such a romantic?

i havent tried to die in a long time. ive confronted all my problems and am just trying to be hopeful and work through them.

children in boxes in the basement.

i <3 gabriel, btw.

captainmari @ 2004-05-21T15:06:00

2004-05-21T22:07:33Z

daniel bought me cinnamon toast crunch and bought me socks (as a suprise) yesterday.

life is good.

david was right about everything.

~mari

stolen from some hot girl in hb

2004-05-20T17:04:56Z

1. Kissed your cousin: no
2. Ran away: oh yeah. i run away from my problems constantly 3. Pictured your crush naked: shit, ive seen my crush naked
4. Actually seen your crush naked: ja.
5. Broken someone's heart: i think so. maybe. 6. Been in love: i AM
7. Cried when someone died: yeah. i still cry about it.
8. Wanted someone you know you couldn't have: havent we all?
9. Broken a bone: no.
10. Drank alchohol: this past christmas was my first and only time
11. Lied: i don't like lying but it happens.
12. Cried in school: yeah, i know it was recently but i dont remember whyyyyy

WHICH IS BETTER:
13. Coke or pepsi: pepsi
14. Sprite or 7up: 7up
15.Girls or girls: guys 16. Flowers or candy: flowers
17. Scruff or clean shaven: clean shaven.
18. Quiet or loud: quiet
19. Blondes or brunettes: brunettes.
20. Bitchy or slutty: bitchy
21. Tall or short: short, i wish iw as delicate looking.
22. Pants or shorts: skirts.

WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX:
23.What do you notice first: eyes or hair
24. Last person you slow danced with: daniel at prom
25. Worst thing they could do: break up with me...but they wont

THE LAST TIME:
26. Showered: last nite, but im going to soon.
27. Had sex: hmm.
28. Had a great time with the opposite sex: yesterday with daniel when we went to del taco.

WHAT IS:
29. Your good luck charm?: my mod vans slip ons
30. Person you hate the most?: i dont HATE anyone. but i dislike a lot of people
31. The best thing that has happened to you today?: not going to school is pretty awesome

FAVORITES:
32. Color: green/ maroon
33. Movie: niggaz with hats, rushmore, dancer in the dark
34. Book: everything is illuminated (im gonna start reading it to dan when he comes back from canada)
35. Subject in school: health.. my health teacher is fucking awesome
36. Juice: i dont like juice
37. Cars: carmegia (i prolly spelled that all wrong)
38. Ice cream: maui brownie madness
39. Holiday: caesar chavez day
40. Season: summer.
41. Breakfast food: cinnamon toast crunch
42. Place to go with your honey: through pasadena on sunday afternoons.
WHO:
43. Makes you laugh the most?: daniel or chris
44. Makes you smile?: daniel
45. Gives you a funny feeling when you see them?: daniel
46. Has a crush on you?: daniel
47. Do you have a crush on?: daniel
48. Can make you feel better no matter what?: joel
49. Has it easier, guys or girls?: guys.

DO YOU EVER:
50. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night?: no, because i practically live with the person id be waiting for to call
51. Save aim conversations?: i did on my old comp
52. Save e-mails?: yes
53. Wish you were someone else?: yes.
54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: only when im shopping
cry over somones mean words?: ::sigh:: yes
BEST:
56. Cologne: i like natural scent of man
57. Perfume: pear berry (its more of a body splash than perfume)
59. Romantic memory: february 13th
60. Most recent advice given to you: just let it go and everyone will be happy eventually - david.

HAVE YOU:
61. Fallen for your bestfriend?: ive realized that daniel is my bestfriend.
62. Made out w/ JUST a friend?: ja. kelly!
63. Been rejected?: yep.
64. Been in love?: i AM in love
65. Been in lust?: yep
66. Used someone?: yes. sorry.
67. Been used?: of course 69. Been cheated on? yep
70. Been kissed?: yes.
71. Done something you regret?: constantly

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON:
72. You touched?: daniel
73: You talked to: the bus driver/aaron
74. You hugged?: daniel
75. You instant messaged?: david vine
76. You kissed?: daniel
77. You had sex with?: ja
78. You yelled at?: in my head i yelled at aurora, but mr. sanchez for being homophobic
79. You laughed with?: daniel and his family about a 200 pound colorgaurd person. ja.
80. Who broke your heart?: uhhhhh....tom? if that's considered heart breaking
81. Who told you they loved you?: daniel

DO YOU:
82. Color your hair?: yes.
83. Have tattoos?: no
84. Have piercings?: my ears.
85. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both?: yes

captainmari @ 2004-05-06T13:34:00

2004-05-06T20:41:08Z

everyday after school i come over to daniels house, eat a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch, do laundry use the computer and either go to work or wait for daniel to come home. i am SUCH a creature of habit.

took my english AP test today. i made it grab it's ankles and then i raped it. hard.

caffiends this friday. mmmm. im excited. does anyone want to go to the beach on saturday nite?

i dont feel like posting pictures. but if you want to look at my photobuCKET...

http://img56.photobucket.com/albums/v172/captainmari/

i hate smooth jazz

~mari

captainmari @ 2004-05-05T15:30:00

2004-05-05T22:37:19Z

i am bored

gabriel has a twin:

daniel is riding his skateboard

has he hit a rock?

he must have

the rock has defeated him

EMO

even EMO-ER

the end

captainmari @ 2004-05-03T15:31:00

2004-05-03T22:43:51Z

we had prom this weekend. it was swell. well, not SWELL, but i didnt have the urge to hang myself once the entire night, which means it went better than expected...

me and geoff

me and d-ray

hey ladies...

awh

we wore matching shoes...

thom yorke face

me and g-ro

fun.

captainmari @ 2004-04-29T10:38:00

2004-04-29T17:38:41Z

i wish i had written this song:

Three Peaches

So wake up run your lips across your fingers till you find
Some scent of yourself that you can hold up high
To remind yourself that you didn't die
On a day that was so crappy whole
and im so happy you're alive

You're in the bathroom carving holiday designs into yourself
Hoping noo ne will find you but they found you
And they took you
And you somehow survived

So wake up and if the holidays don't hollow out your eyes
Then press yourself against whatever
You find to be beautiful and trembling with life
Because I'm so happy you didn't die

captainmari @ 2004-04-28T14:51:00

2004-04-28T21:55:15Z

here are some pictures

daniel:

aurora took this one at koos cafe
>

uterus dance:

mike and me after we dyed my hair:

captainmari @ 2004-04-26T10:57:00

2004-04-26T17:57:44Z

SORRY MY PICTURE IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO BIG. i dont know how to edit it to make it smaller.........

captainmari @ 2004-04-23T08:26:00

2004-04-23T15:38:22Z

my grandfather is having surgery for his prostate cancer today so i decided to stay home. i would've had to leave school early anyway, due to the fact that im getting my haircut at 1:00.

i havnet updated in FOREVER.

i feel really bad because mylittle sister has had to stay home from school for like 3 weeks. poor thing. bored out of her mind listening to the prom song over and over again. (and not that crappy vitamin c prom song, hellogoodbye style). she doesnt hate me, although she has a right to, and i love her more than anything. she's so fucking wonderful. she makes me really happy and im so glad to have her in my life.

i am so in love i cant even stand it sometimes.

HAPPY BIRFDAY DAVID.

word.

andy called me the other nite. i love him. he is so dear to my heart.

i was really really really depressed about a lot of stuff this past month or so. just feeling waves of self hatred and a lack of appreciation for all that i have. stupid marilyn. stupid marilyn.

i got a digitial camera and a photobucket, so soon i will be turning this live journal into a photo journal....

all of the people i've thought, "i miss" about:

mitchell dubey
minh....
tony bonanando
alex rassmussen
luis ....

captainmari @ 2004-04-11T13:41:00

2004-04-11T20:41:37Z

he once spoke to me and said my smell belonged to another man.

captainmari @ 2004-04-09T11:00:00

2004-04-09T18:09:29Z

today i ditched school so i could hang out with daniel on his last day of spring break. well not his last last day, but his last week day. roight.

i got on the bus at 7:50 then went to the supermarket to buy some french toast ness stuff for kelly and i bought this cosmo magazine that is sooooo raunchy, cause it's essecentially the same issue every month, just worded differently.

I got a red marker and wrote on kelly's back:

"kelly is my pterodactyl"

it's fun, but i think i spelled it wrong.

i bought a digital camera. ive been taking random pictures all day and night. i saw keebler AND my old favorite soccer coach at my work last nite! that was supreme to the max.

i'd been really really moody and angry late and i was so afraid to talk to daniel about it cause i thought he would call me crazy and just judge me, but really he does love me. i love him. i felt so much better after talking to him about it. he's the best thing hat ever happened to me. he's just rebuilding and repairing all the fucked up stuff in me.

cereal bowl.

captainmari @ 2004-03-26T14:16:00

2004-03-26T22:16:57Z

i like reading magazines that make me feel bad about myself.

captainmari @ 2004-03-18T14:31:00

2004-03-18T22:32:42Z

so today i was walking down the stairs and i was like, "man, im soooooo hott" (cause grover just told me i had a nice body. = 10 points for grover). i then proceeded to take a single step when there were five steps left and fell down. really. really. hard. it was hilarious.

i was pretty sad today. when i got home from daniel's i was really really really sad. i just kind of went to sleep. i didnt even wash my face. (DISGUSTING).

im making a bowl for my cinnamon toast crunch (CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH OWNS ME) in my ceramics class and it has the bright eyes lyrics to "first day of my life" carved into it:

This is the first day of my life
i swear i was born right in your doorway
i walked out in the raid suddenly everything changed
there spread, blankets on the beach.
yours was the first face that i saw.
i think i was blind before i met you
i dont know where i am,
i dont know where ive been
but i
know where i want to go
so i just thought id let you know
that these things take forever
im especially slow
but i realize how i need you
and i wondered if i could come home?

Remember that time you drove all nite
just to meet me in the morning
and you thought it was strange
everything changed
you felt as if you just woke up
and you said
"this is the first day of my life,
im so glad i didnt die before i met you,
and i dont care
i could go anywhere with you
and id probably be happy"
well, if you want to be with me
these things, there's no telling,
we'll just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
This time it’ll be different,
Cause I really think you like me

thats my daniel song. (i keep a box of cinnamon toast crunch at his house). needless to say it is a BIG bowl.

captainmari @ 2004-03-17T14:48:00

2004-03-17T22:42:59Z

my grandpa's cancer is worse than they thought.

im a little torn because i hate the bastard, and hes the biggest jerk ive ever met in my life and no matter how hard i try to support him he just pulls away...

but cancer still sucks.

captainmari @ 2004-03-13T16:57:00

2004-03-14T00:58:42Z

i have a shoooooooooooooooow tonite

i got intooooooooooooooooooooooo culinary school

i really need to wash my faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace.

dood, lots of one vowel in succesion rock.

roooooooock